I just received a text message that read, “So, you still haven’t posted.” Blog. Yes, that’s on my list.
When it comes to getting stuff done, I’m not much of a list person. Theoretically, it helps to visualize your tasks, rank their priority and what not. I try. I write out all that I need to do. Rank the tasks. Re-write in order. Then I step back… and begin to pick the whole thing apart. “If this comes before that, what does that say about me? About my life being in compliance with God’s Word?” 30 minutes given to evaluation that usually leaves the list in the exact same order. Now that I’ve established the fact that I’m doing what’s important first, I can begin task number 1, right?
So I look at my list… and moving from the deep to the shallows I decide that I need a cup of tea. When I return- said chai in hand- I pick up my list. And begin to feel overwhelmed. I stare dumbly. “I’ll never get this done in the next two hours.” So I sit down next to the window and enjoy my tea, not giving the list another glance.
It’s not the fulfillment of requirements that creates such a mental scuffle. I wrestle with the normal process. Somehow, what seems to be the most efficient method for the rest of my household doesn’t work for me. It seems that making a list preys upon my own personal weaknesses. In the end I just end up feeling frustrated, defeated and disappointed.
I thought I needed a list this week. I’m planning a Christmas show, rearranging my bedroom, and preparing for company next week. I’m also going camping with my young adult community this weekend. Needless to say, I have not a minute to spare. I need a list right? Only my list has been a continual source of discouragement since Monday. I’ve not done everything that I normally do, let alone finished my special projects.
There’s a crumpled piece of paper on the floor. The top line reads, “To do.” In the last hour that it’s been lying there I’ve finished the first 8 tasks. Go figure. I want to analyze what it means. I don’t want to encourage rebellion or the shunning of structure and authority. I don’t think that my crumpled list comes from a heart that despises rules.
So my last thought before moving on to task number 9 is that perhaps, somehow, the Father can use the fluid tendencies of my person for His Kingdom.