I have not forgotten about this blog. No, I am well aware that it has been sitting untouched for several months now. Several times I was inclined to post that I have been busy and traveling and just don’t have time to publish anything but I lacked the real desire to actually do so. The purpose for this site is to invite you to join with me on the journey of life that I am taking… and yet, for several months this journey has taken away from this blog.
I’ve had my share of adventures to report: travels to the islands of Java and Bali, a trip to Central Asia, life with new interns, learning to say goodbye to this country and the people that I have come to love. There are many stories that I wish to share, in fact, I think it was the number of stories to tell that became overwhelming. However, after facing the fact that I may never be able to tell them all, I’ve decided to start with today. My wanderings are taking me in a new direction… and I’d love for you to follow along.
My global internship is over. Writing this fills me with relief and wonder and sadness. The past 16 months have been a time of incredible growth and transformation. Stepping outside of my own culture and embracing another has caused a type of confusion that allowed me to discover greater understanding of who I am and most importantly, who my God is. Lack of knowledge produced a desire to learn. And living, day in and day out, with people when there are misunderstandings has taught me to love with a capacity that can only come from him. My time in this program is finished but I am just beginning to live…
It’s hard for me to let go of all of the responsibilities and dreams from the past year. I am pleased with all that has been accomplished but still desire so much more. And yet, I recognize that I am just a small thread in the greater pattern woven into the fabric of lives here. I leave this place unable to see the whole and trusting the weaver to complete his work. I’ve been entangled (physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually) here but am now released. Released for what purpose? That remains unseen. I am simply waiting in His hand.
As I let go of this experience and prepare to return to the United States for my final semester of college, I am not certain about the new focus that I am taking hold of. As of August 15th, I will no longer be a student. I will be released once again to a purpose that remains unseen. There is a sense of excitement as I consider the possibilities ahead and wait for specific direction. I feel a little like Abraham, going out to a place that I don’t know about yet (Hebrews 11). But, like Abraham, I have a Sovereign God that will bring all things to pass with perfect wisdom.
Today, I sit in a cafe in Southeast Asia. Saturday, I will be sitting at my mother’s kitchen table. Next April? God alone knows. And somehow, that is enough for me as I contemplate a year’s worth of wandering.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.